


Alone is all I have

by Kati67



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Depressed Sherlock, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Sherlock is Alone, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-17 12:30:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4666575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kati67/pseuds/Kati67
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After John married Mary and moved out Sherlock is depressed. Especially when he went to visit them after the baby is born. He is going into a depression and who is going to get him out of it...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone is all I have

He was on the couch with a pillow over his head. He hadn’t moved for days it felt, he just lay there unable to move, to feel.  
Well, that wasn’t true, he did feel. He wished he didn’t. Oh god how he wished he didn’t feel. That would’ve been so much easier, going through life not feeling. It wouldn’t have hurt so much.

They had called him weeks ago to come over to visit. She had finally given birth and they had been so proud and seemed so happy. Not only with the child but with each other as well; it had made him so sad. Of course he had wished them all the happiness in the world and gave them the biggest gift he could think of. He even sat through the pleasantries with the other guests and made small talk. But when he saw how they glowed and that ‘he’ was so loving toward her… he just had to leave. He couldn’t stay in the same room anymore. All was forgiven for what she had done to him in the past but he had those feelings he just couldn’t deny. They knew, they just had to know. He could see it in her eyes filled with pity and his eyes filled with sorrow. He wanted him not to go, he could tell but he just had to. How could he stay in the same room with them? Their life together in 221B was in the past but in his memory so close. He could almost grab it. Anytime now the door could open and he could walk in, hang his jacket over his chair, smile and put the milk away in the fridge. He waited and waited but he never came. He was with his family, his wife and his son.

There were cases to be dealt with together but he didn’t feel like it. His best friend had requested time off to be with his new son and how could he refuse that? His phone buzzed again and he ignored it again. It was probably his annoying brother anyway, worried about his absence. He had come knocking too but he had refused to unlock the door. His brother did have a spare key but hadn’t used it. He also knew. They all did, he thought. God, he was feeling miserable.  
He turned on his side and all of a sudden without any warning the tears came. Annoyed he wiped them away but there was no stopping them. All his grief and hurt came flooding down all at once. He felt so alone. He couldn’t care anymore and let them flow for the first time in ages. Maybe it helped him, maybe not. He didn’t care anymore.

\---

‘John, have you spoken to Sherlock recently?’

‘No, I haven’t. The last time I saw him was when he came to visit with all you guys to see us and the baby’

‘That is weeks ago, you mean to say you haven’t seen him since?’

‘No, I’ve asked him if it was alright to spend some time with Mary and the baby before going back to work on cases again’

‘Right’ Mycroft thought for a moment ‘the thing is, no one has seen or spoken with him since’

‘Not even you?’ John’s tone was a bit accusing but he didn’t care, he wasn’t his brother, Mycroft was.

‘You are his best friend’ Mycroft casted back.

‘Right’ John felt ashamed now, he was his best friend after all and he was caught up in his own life. Sherlock didn’t have anyone else to talk to.

‘I did pay him a visit, or at least I tried to’ Mycroft said ‘but he didn’t answer the door’

‘You have a spare key don’t you?’

‘Yes I do, but I didn’t find it appropriate to use it’

‘You don’t seem to have a problem to meddle into his affairs normally’ John sighed. He had to stop this; it didn’t help Sherlock one bit.

‘Right’ Mycroft cleared his throat.

‘I’ll go over this afternoon’ John said ‘I still have my key’

‘You will?’ Mycroft sounded relieved John thought.

‘Yes, Mary and the baby will be resting and I will go visit Sherlock’

‘Oh that’s splendid, thank you John’ Mycroft felt like a weight fell of his shoulders. ‘I will call you later’

John put his phone in his pocket and walked back to the living room.

‘Who was on the phone?’ Mary asked.

‘Mycroft’ he said absentmindedly.

‘Oh? What did he want?’

John told Mary all about the phone call.

‘I thought it was strange him leaving so all of a sudden’ Mary said.

‘Yes, me too, but I just thought, well it’s Sherlock…’

‘You go and see him right away, John’ Mary grabbed his jacket ‘don’t waste a minute’

‘Are you sure? You don’t need me or anything?’

‘No I don’t and bring him some milk and bread, he probably hasn’t thought of that himself’ Mary smiled ‘It’s like having two babies only one is a grown man’

‘Don’t let him hear you’ John winked.

\---

When John went through the front door of 221B he felt like coming home again which was a good thing but also strange at the same time, he thought.  
Mrs. Hudson had to be out because he didn’t hear her, also a good thing for once if he was honest. She was the sweetest lady but right now he didn’t need her fussing over Sherlock.  
He walked upstairs and stopped in front of the door for a moment before turning his key. Mycroft had said it was locked, which was strange, Sherlock never did lock it. He opened the door and a whiff of a stale sent came in his nostrils. That’s a first, he thought. He stepped in and softly closed the door behind him. The curtains were closed and dirty tea cups were on the table along with half eaten bits of bread from long ago.

On the couch lay a pile of dirty clothes along with… oh no wait, it moved, it was Sherlock in his dirty pj’s with a dressing gown.

John took a step forward and cleared his throat ‘So that’s how you keep the place after I’ve gone?’ he said.

Sherlock turned around, his face puffy and pale with bloodshot eyes ‘Go away’ he whispered before hitting the pillow again.

‘Nice way to great an old friend’ John said while carrying his groceries to the kitchen.

‘I brought you milk and bread’ he called from the kitchen to Sherlock.

When he heard no answer he started to tidy the kitchen and making tea and toast.

He brought it to Sherlock, put it on the table and opened the curtains. Sherlock moaned when the light came in. Dust whirled onto the floor.

‘God Sherlock…’ John whispered when he looked around at the mess and started clearing things away.

‘Sherlock, eat your toast’ he said. ‘Come on, get up’ he pulled at Sherlock’s shoulders and put him upright. His curls were all messy and he reeked like he hadn’t had a shower in days.

Sherlock looked bewildered. ‘John?’ he whispered.

‘Yes Sherlock, I’m here, come on eat something’

Sherlock still looked at John as if he saw a ghost but started to eat his toast and drink his tea.

‘How long since you’ve not eaten any?’

‘Don’t know’

‘Sherlock!’

John supported Sherlock and helped him up ‘Come to the shower, on the other hand, maybe a bath. Yes, I’ll make you a bath’

While Sherlock lay in the bath John vacuumed the place and washed the dishes.

He put down a suit and shirt on the bed and went to the bathroom.

‘How are you feeling?’

‘Ashamed’ Sherlock didn’t look at John.

‘Ashamed? Why on earth?’

‘I was jealous’ Sherlock admitted ‘I saw you and your happy little family and I just couldn’t bare miss you here. I would be alone again; you are the only one who gets me, John’

‘That’s not true, Mycroft, Greg, Molly, they all get you’

‘Maybe’

‘It’s true, they were all worried, and Mycroft called and was here at your door several times in fact’

‘Greg called as well and Molly’

‘See? Where is Mrs. Hudson?’

‘She is visiting her sister. She made me mad with her hovering so I said ‘go visit your sister’’

‘You did not’

Sherlock looked up with a twinkle in his eyes ‘I’m horrible aren’t I?’

‘No you’re not but you just can’t send your landlady away who’s just worried!’

‘John, go away’

‘What?’

‘I need to get out of the tub, go away or turn around, whatever’

‘Oh, right’ John snickered.

Sherlock walked to his bedroom and smiled when he saw his suit and shirt on the bed. He dressed himself and ruffled his hair. Then he walked to the kitchen where John was making a fresh pot of coffee.

‘Well?’ he said.

‘Much better’ John smiled. ‘Coffee?’

‘Hm, yes please and some more of that toast if you can spare it’

John smiled ‘Right, toast coming up’

‘You’ll just have to come over every day to take care of me John’ Sherlock said grinning ‘Just like with that baby of yours’

‘Yes, I’m afraid it’s come to that, but when I start to work again I’m here every day probably so that’s okay then’

‘Great’ Sherlock smirked ‘I’ll call Greg for a case’ Sherlock rubbed his hands ‘I need one, my brain is rotting’

Later when Mycroft phoned John and got all the details he smiled. He knew his brother would be fine eventually; he just had to push the right buttons.


End file.
